Love Can Be Quiet Too
”Cooking a Recipe for Soft Love”
In the silence of the night
I hear your heart beating
Each thump a testament to your love for me
I want to drown in the tender beat of your bloody love
For me. Listen to the song of persistence
I will love you forever it whispers
There is a perpetual loudness when it comes to the discussion of love especially in Western culture. Romance books and movies are littered with grand and loud examples of love. The turning point of a movie is usually marked by some grand gesture. Running through the airport. Standing outside with a boombox. Buying every daffodil in five states and then planting them in her yard. I’ve been with the same person since I was in 8th grade and I’ve found that what matters most are all the small quiet acts of love.
Don’t get me wrong, grand acts of love matter. It is hard to explain the full-body electricity of having your lover loving you loudly, publicly, and grandly. It’s a dopamine rush like no other. But… when I think of love, the love that sustains us is the quiet kind.
What are some examples of quiet moments of love?
Quiet moments of love can look like many things.
Quiet love for myself can look like:
Putting away the laundry immediately
Showing up to exercise consistently
Eating something delicate or decadent
Quiet love from my friends:
Unplanned phone calls, facetime, and texts
Sharing music and shows (actually taking my recommendations)
Planning things and also showing up to things I plan
Quiet love from my spouse:
Putting away the laundry immediately
Bringing me desserts he thinks I’d like
Binge-watching shows with me even when he’s tired
I do think that to some these might be grand or “loud” but for me, they are not. You’re welcome to replace mine with yours. The more I think about it the more I am filled with a deep gratitude for all the people in my life who show up and love me in all the small, frequent, kind, and quiet ways. If there’s someone in your life who shows up for you consistently then be sure to send them a thank you today, a compliment, give them a tender hug.
If you have people you’d like to show up for you don’t be afraid to vocalize what you want. People do not always know what we want. By vocalizing it we can tell, by someone's action or lack of action, whether or not we should continue a relationship. Put your soft requests out and allow others the open space to give them to you.
Finally, take the time to show up in the quiet ways for yourself. Be consistent about loving yourself. That’ll make it a habit and good habits change things from sporadic treats to daily reality.
Tell me:
What are some ways you love yourself quietly? What are some ways you expect and need others to love you quietly??
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Read some of my other pieces here:
1. Humbleness Is A Luxury I Can't Afford
2. Food
I want to be a better friend to the other people I am in community with. Since I've moved, my community has stepped up tremendously. I want to do the same for others, because I know a necessary part of relationship is making sure people also feel loved. You shared something on the bird app that shook me a while ago. When people say they want community, they really want kingdom. I don't want to be one of those people. I want community, a tribe, and a village. Thanks for this gem, fam.
Quiet love looks like "do you want a cup of tea?", "have you packed your lunch already?", a hand reaching over the gear shift to rest gently on a knee, being caught looking - because I was looking to, big facts on consistency at the gym, and flowers by the bedside.