Humbleness Is A Luxury I Can't Afford
Why I won't be humble
I’m a Black woman. Being humble is the fastest way to suffering. I rebuke it wholeheartedly and I encourage all Black women to do the same.
People love to push the narrative that humbleness is necessary for growth, career advancement, for being agreeable. Very rarely in my life have I ever found that being humble has brought me any of these benefits. In fact, I’ve seen humble people repeatedly left in the dust. Too quiet at meetings, not getting credit for their work or their ideas, and letting their brilliance be muted by the need to be humble.
I can’t recall what post or what I read that prompted me to look up the definition of the word but I am so glad I did.
I am prideful and I am okay with that. Do you know the work that I had to put in to get where I am? The things my mother had to sacrifice! Why would I ever choose to not be prideful? (Remind me to revisit pride as a useful emotion) It is spitting on her efforts, on the toiling of my grandparents in the hot Saint Lucian sun.
I am assertive. I have no choice but to be less I be steamrolled by loud, aggressive men who have no shame or humbleness when it comes to going after the things they want. It’s theirs. They believe it’s theirs. No one has ever asked them to be humble about it. So why the fuck should I be? HA!
I am not submissive. Why should I be? Who in this world has earned my obedience or passivity? It’s laughable that anyone could look me, whose ancestors were enslaved and FORCED into submission, and tell me that I should be submissive.
Every single variation of the word humbleness calls on you to shrink yourself. It is a luxury I cannot afford myself. For a shrinking of myself could be a murdering of myself. I simply cannot afford the luxury of being silent when my ideas are snatched, or someone attempts to silence me. My forced silence is a theft of all the possibilities that could happen. Imagine all the women centuries upon centuries who have in humbleness, in meekness, and yes sometimes in fear for their life sat silent as men have run off with ideas that have made them wealthy beyond imagination, have brought them fame, all while the woman has been washed away by time.
I admit sometimes the brash, the loud, the un-humble woman faces death. So, I do not shame my sisters who choose to be humble over death. It is a valid choice. That is why as someone with a choice, an honest to God choice, I will choose to toss aside humbleness like an old bracelet I’ve learned isn’t actually gold but a sad and cheap imitation. I’ll open my arms to pride. I’ll remind myself that pride is not inherently rude. Remind myself that some of my favorite superstars get on stage and toss their humility aside. Their movement oozes confidence a loud announcement that they are here, have earned every bit of respect and awe, and won’t be quiet about it!
This piece is for all the women with a choice. You owe it to yourself to set humbleness aside. Be loud about your strengths, your brilliant ideas, your passions, your successes. Run quickly from anyone who dares insinuate that you need to shrink yourself in order to progress in any field of life. Fear them. Search feverishly for the people who will not. The places that celebrate you as you are. An expanding being. Taking up so much space that eventually you have your own orbit. Women say “fuck humility”. How could you choose to be a word that insinuates insignificance in your own life especially when your choice is NOT humbleness or death.
So yes, I am not humble. Do not conflate my lack of humility with rudeness or tactlessness. I am not humble and I am proud. I will toot my own horn like a fisherman driving past eager to sell his latest catch. If I don’t sell my catch who will?
I am not humble for all the women who never had a choice.
What do you think? Have you struggled with humility and confidence? Was there a significant moment when things shifted for you? I would love to hear about it. Respectfully let me know if you agree or disagree with me.
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Read some of my other pieces here:
1. Food
2. Life is for consuming
This was such a good read for me today. It's funny, I was thinking back just this morning to the conversations I had with many of my daughter's teachers at the beginning of each new year. They were usually about "behaviors" that actually turned out to be personality traits. (Have you ever heard somebody call a boy "bossy"?) I would try to explain that we encouraged both our children to speak up for themselves and for others. To share their ideas and be proud of their accomplishments. I usually wrapped up with something like: I have taught my children to have opinions. And I have taught them how to be kind. Everybody makes mistakes, which is why I have also taught them how to apologize. But I will not apologize to you for my daughter being something other than what you expected her to be.
Girls are held to a different standard than boys. They are meant to speak more softly, take up less space, be helpful team players, put others first. Downplaying our gifts plays into this.
I think we can all practice humility in the presence of great goodness, whatever that looks like to you, and be mindful of the debt we owe to those who've gone before. We would all do well to look carefully for the hidden strengths in those around us and raise them up whenever we can. But women being humble about their own achievements? No, that serves no one.
I fucking LOVE discovering women who are not afraid to roar ❤️ This post made me smile ear to ear